CounselingBlog

Good enough

"I have to do it right."

"It has to be perfect - the first time"

A lot of people live with these thoughts on a daily, or even hourly basis.  For many reasons, we sometimes set unreasonable expectations for ourselves and then pay the price in guilt and shame when we don't "measure up."

There are many ways to engage this internal dialogue but one starting point is to notice when you set a different standard for yourself than you set for friends or family members.  If you are willing to allow them some room for imperfection, perhaps you can learn to, lovingly, cut yourself some slack.

Take care,

Cynthia

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Cynthia McKenna Counseling

Help for women with anxiety or depression

www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com

Planning for the end

A lot of people are uncomfortable talking about death and dying.  Our western culture doesn't seem comfortable with anything except happy, healthy people - so the topic of our last days and planning for our care is often taboo.

It is a good idea to talk with your loved ones about end of life issues:  medical power of attorney, advance directives, etc.  Its also good to talk about any specific desires you have for a funeral or burial.  

Talking things over takes stress and strain off the family when illness and/or death comes.

And you really should have a will.  There are forms available online or any good attorney can help you draw up a will.

You don't have to be powerless when you become sick.  You can take charge of what happens by talking things over with your family, and getting the proper legal forms in place.  Its really a loving act to not leave your family wondering.

Cynthia

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Apr 12, 2009

Happy Easter!

In Treatment

The HBO series, In Treatment, began its second season last night.

The show is about Paul, a therapist, and his patients, and it is about his struggles as a person.

I think In Treatment gives non-therapy oriented folks a chance to peek inside the therapy office and see what kinds of things happen there.  Its a TV show - the events are often over the top.  But it is also a true show in the sense that people do bring their own struggles to therapy in hopes of understanding themselves better and finding peace and more happiness.

Do you watch In Treatment?  What do you think about it?

I'd love to hear from you,

Cynthia

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Cynthia McKenna Counseling

www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com

CounselingBlog

Tax Time = Stress?

Lots of people are feeling a bit stressed as April 15th draws near.

Here are some tips to help everyone cope with the stress:

• Work on taxes a bit at a time.  Sometimes taking small bites is better than one gigantic indulgence
• Let the kids know that you are working on something important and ask for their help in playing or reading quietly so you can get your project finished 
• It might be useful to show the kids the tax forms.  Even young children can easily see that there is a lot to fill out. 
• If you tend to put off taxes because you feel disorganized, create a filing system that can help you next time around.  Even something as simple as a file per month can make a big difference 
• If you are getting a refund, talk about the refund with the family.  Decide together how much to save and how much to spend. 
• If you have to pay:  Consider cutting back on extras until the taxes are paid.   

Good luck getting this chore done.  And, if you use a CPA, consider sending them a "thank you" card for having the patience to deal with all those rules and regulations.

 

The balanced life

So many people, myself included, seek to find "the balanced life."  I don't know how you define that, but in my mind, it is the fantasy that all m work will be caught up, house clean, laundry folded, and I have time to exercise, visit with friends and family, sleep enough, read good books, and play with my perfectly trained dogs.

The fact is, the desire for balance is a good one, but the distance between fantasy and reality can be great and the gap can be discouraging.

My hunch is that if we looked at all aspects of our lives, relationships, work life, exercise, play, spirituality, quiet time, you'll find the categories that you need - in terms of a big pie chart (LOL), we might begin to get closer to that balance we seek. 

As you plan your week, look at calendar, commitments, etc., start scheduling time for these pie chart areas that are overlooked.  Schedule a little time to play with the dogs, or take a walk with your spouse, or read a novel.  You won't be able to get to all the pie pieces every week - or at least I can't.  But if you look at longer blocks of time, say one month, you shold be able to devote some time to each imnportant area.
 

A balanced life might be our call to look at the bigger picture, not just this one day.  How are you going to change your schedule to bring more balance and better quality of life? 

Cynthia
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Cynthia McKenna Counseling
www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com
www.counselingblog.com

Holiday Stress

The holidays are fast approaching and for many folks, tension is building.

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a day to remember and give thanks.  The problem is, a lot of expectations and pressure gets served along with the turkey and dressing.

Thank about this scenario - you work all week, and then when you get "days off" for the holiday, you spend those days packing, driving, flying,and trying to hurry up and enjoy the day and the long weekend.  

Or perhaps you aren't traveling, maybe people are coming to visit you.  That means that sometime between now and next Wednesday night, you are going to brave the visit to the grocery store.  Even though I try to shop in "off times" I always manage to hit the mob of people doing their holiday shopping - its really an event even if you aren't buying food for a crowd.

You might find yourself cleaning house, getting out special dishes, polishing silver, trying new recipes, and trying to anticipate what people will want and need to enjoy themselves.

Once the family is gathered, there are joyful reunions, or stressful reunions, or dysfunctional family events.  It can be difficult to spend long periods of time with people you only see once or twice a year.  It can be wonderful, but for many, it can also be painful.

As I write this post, and think about the holidays, I noticed that my heart rate is up, and I am taking shallow breaths - and that is only thinking about Thanksgiving

Check back for more holiday stress reflection and some tips to help make your holiday more peace-filled.

Cynthia

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Cynthia McKenna Counseling

CounselingBlog

Saturday Photo

Here is an old photo of Poppy and Harriett taking a nap -

Having an argument?

We all have arguments with loved ones, and finding a way through the conflict can sometimes be challenging.

When it seems like talking isn't working, resist the temptation to solve your issues using text messages.  

I love texting, and use it a lot.  However, the written word does not give your partner an opportunity to see your face, hear your voice, look into your eyes.  

Text messages are usually quick notes to say, "what do you want for dinner?  or, "Your mom called."   They aren't so great for things like, "You never listen to me," or "I can't believe you did that."

It can be tempting to text when you are angry, kind of a chance to get in the last word without having to actually talk to each other.  Texting in anger can be damaging to your communication and even your relationship.  

If you feel hurt, talk about it.  If you are angry, talk about it.  Just say, "no to texting when you are out of sorts.

Cynthia

Men at Work

Not the singing group from Australia, but a great group of guys are working on my house.  Right now, they are sanding the front windows - with a really loud sander, and getting ready to paint all the wood surfaces.

I love the work they do - they are careful and do a good job - some of you have already commented on how great things look.  I am excited about it all.

The office is closed today, because it is pretty noisy around here, but we'll be open as usual beginning tomorrow.

Happy Monday everyone.

Cynthia

ps - here is Saturday's photo - a bit late...

This is Shadow - he lives in Cape Coral FL with my sister and brother-in-law.  He's a good cat.

Inner Rhythms

I have been away from my blogging for most of the summer and I'd like to talk about that.

A lot of bloggers bet "blog guilt"  They have good intentions to blog, but for one reason or another, they don't do it.  Then they get back in the groove and promise themselves, and their readers, that they'll "try to do better."

I did not do that this time.  I stopped newsletters and CounselingBlog for the summer so I could focus on other things.  I have done a lot of continuing education, I have greatly enjoyed the gardening, and I have had some time for reflection.  II often talk with my clients about listening to their own inner voice - intuition, energy level, inner rhythm.  When we get out of touch with our inner wisdom, we can get really off course.

My inner self said, "take the summer off and don't worry about it!"  And that is just what I did.  I am back now, with new zest for blogging, and some interesting topics for my upcoming newsletters.  

I did make a new addition to the blog this summer.  I have started adding a "Saturday Photo."  Some picture of the dogs or the cats - or maybe even someone else's dog or cat, that makes me smile.  I hope you enjoy the photos too.  Me. Lolly is prominently featured in the posts, but since he is the therapy cat, I figure he deserves the advertising. 

So CounselingBlog is back in business, and I invite you to visit often to see what we are talking about.  Also, if you'd like to subscribe to the blog via RSS, just use the blue RSS button that is in the URL address bar.

Take care,

Cynthia

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Cynthia McKenna, LPC, NCC

Cynthia McKenna Counseling

CounselingBlog

Saturday Photo

Saturday Photo